Teaching Boys to be Men

As a parent I strive to do the best I can when it comes to raising my child. Give him an opportunity to be successful and reach for the stars. I want to be supportive, dependable and consistent in his life. Raising children can be difficult but in my opinion its a wonderful experience. I say difficult because you know every decision you make effects your children and you want to do the best possible job.

I feel that in the African American community people put so much pressure on little boys about being men. We want our boys to not be "weak", by showing emotion, we put more focus and attention in protecting the females and leave the boys with the mentality they should be able to figure out life on their own. I have seen many occasions where parents have enforced school and education on their daughters and have not done the same with their sons. I think if we are to blame the plight of the Black man on anyone, we should first look at the parents and the community. We don't put emphasis on boys, we don't cater to them like we do our girls. We don't take the extra time needed to help them in school. But I do notice that when boys play sports that's when they get the most attention as opposed to when they do well in school. We expect our boys to fend for themselves and learn to be men but no one wants to teach them HOW to be men.

I bring this fact up because I have a 14 month old boy, he is very affectionate. His father and I are affectionate towards him, we try to teach him to be kind to others. Although he's 14 months old hes beginning to understand. The other day I took my son to the park like I usually do. There was little girl at the park of another race with her mother. My son walked up to the little girl, I instinctively jumped up because I know some parents are not comfortable with other children around their kids especially ones they do not know. The mother looked at me and was like Oh no hes fine, so my son proceeded to point to her eyes and say I,I,I (it sounds just like that lol) I smiled and reassured him he was right those were her eyes. He pointed to her mouth and say BA BA (the sound you make when you kiss lol) and I smiled next he leaned over and hugged her. I noticed that as my son leaned in to hug the little girl her mother grabbed at the back of his shirt.
Now I didn't want to make a scene, I just said Hug to reassure my son he hadn't done anything wrong. I grabbed him and proceeded to take him to the other side of the park.
I try not to let people (ignorant people) upset my mood. Did she really think my son would hurt her child after he had been so nice and gentle? He had reached for the little girls hands. He's an only child and loves interacting with other children. I wonder if the stereotype of black man being mean, stoic and aggressive has trickled all the way down to our babies????
I pray not because if this woman was afraid of my child that is 14 months old, how do other people in society feel? Is this the reason why so many of our youth are failing in schools because teachers are afraid of them?
So I am asking parents out there to evaluate how we are raising our young men, are we giving them that little bit of extra attention they need, are we teaching them to be strong men, are we teaching them that its OK to be affectionate and its necessary to gentlemen?


So what do you think?

I'll give my 2 cents

Ok, Everywhere you turn someone is discussing the Gates situation. You cannot run from this topic so I'll give my two cents. I can see both sides of this story. Before I get stones thrown at me, allow me to explain. Henry Louis Gates is a Harvard professor and I guess in his mind due to his position and socioeconomic status he feels that he should be exempt from certain situations. I understand that Yes, he did have ID and that he presented to the officer, but you have to also understand that the officer was called he didn't just ride down the street and decide to profile him, he was doing his job. Now here's a possibility, there are many people who don't immediately change their IDs after they move from their homes so Gates could still have been trespassing. Also what if Gates had a domestic charge filed on him for assaulting his wife and he was in violation of a restraining order? So the officer asking him to step out would have been justified. I am not saying that either of these two scenarios were what the officer was considering but if he was thinking this he acted correctly. From what I have heard the office did request backup and in my mind he seemed to have every intention of arresting Gates, which I would consider quite excessive. Now Gates I understand his frustration, he felt that a man of his stature should not have been subject to this treatment. Unfortunately this is the case in the world we live in and I guarantee that if Gates was an "average" 60 something year-old man who worked in a steel mill this story would not have gotten this much publicity. We as African Americans strive to become successful, put ourselves in another bracket so we wont be judged like "other" Black people but the sad truth is we are still seen to many as just a threatening Black person.

I'll give you an example I know of an incident that occurred with an African American judge (I wont reveal the name or location of the judge) who was having a discussion with his wife in their home a neighbor heard them and "mistook" the situation as the judge beating his wife so the police were called to the residence. Now the officers arrived and the judge told them that there was no reason for the visit he told him that his wife and him were just having a discussion the police insisted on asking the judge to step outside of his home repeatedly. The judge decide that he didn't deserve to be spoken to in this manor and slammed the door in the officers face. Now this incident could have went in many different direction but it didn't. The judge was treated like any "average " black person. At the end of the day yes it sucks that we are treated like this and I wish it weren't the case but it is. It would have been better if Gates did as the officer requested and filed a complaint later if he felt that he was treated unfairly. Colin Powell stated that he himself has been profiled and he believes that Gates could have handled the situation differently.

So what do you think would have been the best way for this situation to be handled?